Saturday, September 10, 2005
5:05 AM
Series of events happened this quiet Friday. Its now 5.06am Saturday in Melbourne. As i watch the love situations in the "L word" one of the relationship struck me hard. I still miss him, despite it was just a short period time. The move he has towards that girl in the show, reminds me of that situation. This saturday I might see him again. How do I face him and make eye contact. Those lies, yet that close physical contact between us. A situation where he gives up on me, and I have to erase him out. So many more in "our"picture. Its not that easy to let someone go. Someone who really gies you that security that is hard to gain. One nite to prove himself. His intentions may be bad, may be the same as mine.
But do not girls have their own emotional side too? Behind every independent and strong women have their own weak and soft side. We all have these emotions. These emotions of hurt, anger, pain, yet happiness too. This nite I wonder.
Tonite, out of the sudden i went for Clayton OCF, when i refused to go initially, and rejected going to the Melb Uni one. *shrugs* but Fendi said something that made me feel, as though He was using him to talk to me? haha. Dunno, Like God uses people around us to impact and influence us and learn the path he has planned for us.
Countless of emotions are running through me this nite. Yet, I feel helpless. Exams are in 2 weeks, yet to start studying. 3 major assignments more to go in a week. haha. Major irony. What could i do. but face this shit.
Yesterday nite, I dreamt of you again. That pair of eyes, those soft lips, that firm assurance.
Kanye West " Hey Mama", Black Eye Peas " Don't Lie" constantly runs through my mind. Clear this unclear dreams away. to make me smile again on this quiet nites of sadness. Make me go and dun ever turn back for as long as i could. This silence is defeaning, that stabbing.
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